Wednesday, May 19, 2010

we go on.

Things are getting better.

I work full time now, sometimes more. I've taught myself how to manage my time and money efficiently. I've worked out a budget and specific goals to reach. So far I'm doing okay at this whole "being an independent adult human being" thing. It's a learning curve but I'm getting there. I pay my rent on time. I'm good at my job. I'm slightly less terrified of the world. I'm starting to like myself. I'm almost like an actual person.

She has lost several teeth and gained several inches of hair. As predicted, she quickly made friends at her new school. She is a beautifully resilient child and I am proud of how well she has adjusted to the sudden changes that have been thrust upon her. She went to a science fair. She went to the beach to wish the sea lions a happy Easter. She has a new robotic dog. We've recently started using Skype. A few days ago, I got a package from her in the mail. A Mother's Day gift. She still tells me on the phone that I'm the awesomest mom. With every ounce of my being I ache to hold her in my arms.

Every morning I wake up after a night of little sleep. I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I look my reflection in the eye. And in my head I say to myself,

"Failure is not an option."

"Failure is not an option."

"Failure is not an option."

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