happy

photo credit: Tantalizing Enigma Photography

I keep telling myself I'm going to start blogging regularly again, and I keep putting it off. Not because I don't want to, but I never think I have anything worth saying anymore. Maybe I don't, but I figured today, my birthday, is as good a time as ever to drag my ass back here.

The last time I blogged about my birthday, my life was very different. I was very different. Since then I have changed in many ways, mostly good, some...not so much. I have experienced much, and learned even more. I've learned that I am the only person in charge of me, and I cannot sit back and rely on others to decide my fate. People may influence my life for better or worse, but at the end of the day, I'm calling the shots, and I have learned when and how to make better, smarter choices. I spent a long time playing a passive role in my life story, and I'm done with that version of myself.

In this moment my life is, with very few exceptions, exactly what I want it to be. I have a home. I have my daughter back. I am comfortable with my place in the world. I cut my hair, I lost 15 pounds, I'm on my way to becoming the person I wished I was two years ago. Sometimes I struggle with the bills, sometimes Autumn misses living with both of her parents, sometimes I feel overwhelmed. What matters is that I go to bed every night in a place where I feel safe and loved. Things are good, and they're getting better.

SHE'S BACK.

And she's already making art...

making friends...
and making herself at home here.
I've spent the last few days just soaking up her sunshine. She's at least a head taller and missing several more teeth since she left for California last year. I'm finding so much happiness in little things I used to take for granted. Brushing her hair, making her breakfast, folding her laundry. I have missed all of these things so much.

I have missed blogging. I've had plenty to write about, but I guess I just haven't felt inspired or motivated enough to sit down and do it. Now that Tiny Small is here to stay, I think I'll get right back to writing and sharing here. In November I found us a two bedroom apartment in the suburbs of Baltimore county. It's nothing fancy, but it's home.

I love our life here. It's a much needed new beginning for both of us.